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How to Survive Loving a Narcissist, by Dr. Andrew M. Goodman
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What is narcissism? What is narcissistic personality disorder? What is a narcissist? If you are unfortunate enough to have been caught in a relationship with a self-involved person; with somebody who spends most of their time thinking only of themselves; concerned only with what they look like, what they have, the amount of money they have, their own needs, not worried about others; it is likely you already have an idea about the answer to this question. There are narcissistic mothers, narcissistic lovers, narcissistic co-workers, even a narcissism epidemic if you look at our lives together on this planet, we are becoming more and more self-involved.
I suspect you knew that already. The real question is, what do you do if you are caught in a relationship with a narcissist, or you have to work with one, or perhaps you may even be in love with one, or married to one? The truth is that the answers to the challenge of dealing with a narcissist are actually not all that difficult to deal with, but you have to know what these methods are if you are to deal with one in your life. Knowledge, followed by implementation, or action, is power, not just knowledge alone. Knowledge, followed by acting on that knowledge, is the key to positive change.
And that's where I come in!
If you were to look at me today I may look normal. I may look ok. To look at me on the outside is to see a not so young anymore, very average looking guy, with a bit of a rough hewn edge to his face and maybe people might say I have a warm smile. But that's about it, nothing special or different. Just a normal routine guy.
You would not be able to see that I have been through a war. You could not tell I have been through times where every moment felt like a battlefield, heck was a battlefield or maybe a babble-filled with arguments strewn all over and a life that made about as much sense and was as coherent as a land fill site or a toxic waste dump. There is no way to tell that I have walked through frustration littered days with minefields of argument and breathed anger and angst filled air day after day.
But I have. That has been my life. It may be yours. It is probable that whatever situation you may be faced with right now, the likelihood of it having been as messed up, as fragmented, as frustrating, as outright demented and up chuck inducing as my reality the past eight years or so, is highly unlikely. Not impossible, of course, for clearly there exist situations that are messier and more frustrating and more perverted in circumstance than my own, but unlikely. I say that not to be dramatic but simply because it is true. The likelihood of a repeat of the circumstances I have been facing and have faced, in any life, is extremely small.
For I have lived with, loved, been married to, a narcissist, for eight years. It took me a while to figure it out, but I have learned that there are some simple ways of handling things, some simple strategies, techniques, and methods that will allow you to keep your sanity and move forward with your life and goals in a loving and happy manner, even though you may be stuck in a very difficult relationship with a person who has narcissistic personality disorder: with a narcissist.
This is a simple, straightforward, book that just tells you what you need to know about narcissism; how to deal with it in a manner that will keep you healthy, loving and strong; able to make the relationship decisions you need to make to have a fulfilling and love filled, happy life. This is a road map through the challenges that will be helpful to anybody who has ever had to deal with a self-involved or narcissistic individual on any level.
Whatever level you are at in dealing with the issues surrounding a narcissistic individual or individuals, let me walk with you and show you the way to get through the challenges in a healthy and life affirming way without blame or anger.
- Sales Rank: #525446 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-12-21
- Released on: 2013-12-21
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
49 of 50 people found the following review helpful.
Thorough, helpful, and knowledgeable book
By Amazon Customer
When I first bought this book I had the idea that it would give me some insight into NPD or narcissist personality disorder. It did that, but it also did much more. The writer speaks from the point of view of having survived a relationship with a person who has NPD, and, though he does not state as much, it seems that it may have been written just after the relationship ended in divorce. I say this because divorce is mentioned very early on in the book. This gives the book a sense of urgency and an authenticity which only adds value to the very recently gained insights it contains.
It is set up and organized as an action plan to take the reader through getting past the challenges in their relationship in a step by step manner. This is very useful for those in a challenging relationship as the writer is using his own proven effective step by step system to deal with a very personal and difficult challenge. This book would be a terrific and valuable read not only for those dealing with a self absorbed partner, but also for anybody looking at how to be more effective in working with those who seem to lack empathy or are overly concerned with themselves.
Reading this book made me realize and better understand that this type of difficulty, that of being overly self-absorbed, is often something that the person in question cannot really control and that it 'gets away from them', in a manner of of speaking. I now can think more open mindedly and fairly about the challenges faced by those afflicted with NPD, and realize this is a far more common disorder than I had originally thought.
The only real weakness is the lack of clinical data, and medical research, but since these are available readily on the Internet or from other written sources this is not critical.
This is a very valuable book that achieves its purpose of showing a positive and creative process for resolving what can be a very sticky and difficult relationship situation. I would highly recommend it to anybody facing the challenge of being with a narcissist, or anybody who has a friend in a like situation. It is also quite helpful in learning about the topic.
45 of 46 people found the following review helpful.
Love is a battlefield, but you can win the war with the narcissist in your life.
By Gregory Smith
I can tell that this book was written by a psychologist as opposed to the usual "you're OK, I'm OK, we're all OK" quacks one often sees. Narcissists are quite challenging because on one hand they have an inflated sense of self-worth and on the other hand, they can be very needy and very dependent on praise and affection, even when they don't deserve it. This book won't cure their narcissism but it might help your partner be more aware of the things he or she does, and it will give you strategies when it comes to fighting his tricks. For example, instead of getting mad and going in circles, you might respond an accusation like "yeah, I'm guilty of everything" with "is it possible you are trying to make me feel guilty hoping that we can maybe do it the way you want." Because as the author says, the narcissist is incapable of taking the long view and seeing the consequences because his view is myopic. Therefore, it is your duty to help him or her see things for what they are and not for what he thinks they should be. You will learn to respond instead of reacting, to take time off for yourself, and to save a relationship that chances are is worth saving. In fact, if you think dating a narcissist is bad, try dating one of those insecure Debbie downers that always feels bad, always feels depressed, rarely feels happy even when good things happen to her. In fact, maybe our attraction to narcissists comes from their initial self-confidence, even if it's a mask for other feelings, it can be a very convincing mask at times. Overall, I like the common-sense and easy to understand advice in this book. Oh, and for those who say "why can't I date someone normal," I have news for you, normal does not exist.
41 of 42 people found the following review helpful.
Very Helpful
By Danielle D.
I'll be honest, I did not understand narcissism before reading this book. I just thought it was an easy cop-out to be a selfish, self-absorbed individual.
Dr. Goodman opened my eyes. In this easy to read, no doctor talk book, Dr. Goodman covered the basics and then some. Speaking from personal experience Dr. Goodman knows first hand about dealing with a narcissistic loved one. I applaud Dr. Goodman for speaking out and helping others in a similar situation.
A very thorough book that easily explains narcissism and how to survive - or as you'll soon realize, not survive but really love and enjoy life.
Loving a narcissist is difficult, whether it's a spouse, a parent a child, or a friend, this book is filled with practical solutions and tips for helping you not just deal with a bad situation, but with advice on how to really make the most out of life.
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